Surrender

Why is surrender so hard for me? The answer is probably because I'm human. Lately things with my husband have seemed so hard. We have a brand new baby and we find it easier and easier not to connect. This makes me very sad AND it makes me feel very alone. Last night, for the first time in a long time we talked about our relationship without someone being in crisis mode. It was so nice to be honest and extend grace to one another and just feel like we were truly connecting.

My problem is the same as it's always been. Trust. I start to believe that I'm alone and it's all up to me to keep myself, my family, (honestly in the extreme parts of my twisted little mind) EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY healthy and whole. You can see where my thinking is flawed. But most of the time I don't even know I'm doing it until my husband is pissed off at me for being upset again and I'm depressed because my husband can't read my mind. I know that God's the only one that can change anything so really I'm just not trusting Him to do what He said He'd do. There's the challenge! Jesus, grant me the grace to trust you more.