Growing up in my house, it was not uncommon for my sisters and I to ask each other what kind of mood our mother was in that day. My mom had some pretty intense mood swings and it really sucked to be caught off guard when my mom was having a bad day. My younger sisters remember this less than us "older kids". I'm pretty sure the hysterectomy and consequent hormone therapy evened out my mother's mood swings making my younger sisters' adolescence a tiny bit smoother than mine.
Being the oldest of five I had a huge sense of needing to be sure that everything was done to ensure that we did not anger my mother any further when she was having a bad day. This was not easy. I was of course living under the delusion that I could "fix" my mother's mood - make it all better. As I reflect on those time I feel sad for my 12 year old self doing anything and everything to try to flip the switch that would make my mom the happy version of herself.
My thirty-something self is all too familiar with the reality of the good and the bad days. I have only recently emerged from a string of bad days. A few weeks ago, as I was taking a walk, I remember thinking to myself, "Maybe, I'm just not a happy person." I wonder if that's how my mother felt on her bad days, too.
Some recent events have transpired in the last few days that I am sure I could not have delt with if I were still in that string of bad days. When I think about this I am amazed and deeply curious. I'm amazed that God's grace is so practical sometimes. Through my ability to deal with these recent events I have been able to bless and honor my husband, something I have not been doing very well lately. All of this makes me deeply curious about what God is up to in our lives. This could just be a gracefilled time designed to reinforce and bless our marriage OR it could be a little more than that.
A few years ago I was talking with a friend of mine and we were both feeling that life was getting significantly harder. The hard times were really hard, but we surmised that the good times were better than ever and that the two were probably linked.
I should probably see a counselor about my string of "bad days", but I'm sure my mom would join me in saying, "Thank you, Jesus!" for the good ones.
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3 comments:
I think part of the reason those changes in mom's moods didn't affect us as much was because you, Rosa and Lici also played a very big part in my parenting. You all were the focus of most of my attention growing up. I feel very blessed to have so many great influences in my life - Mom, Dad, you, Rose, Lin and (at times) Lici :) Here's to a string of really good days!
- Auz
this post, and the comment from Auz, was a beautiful picture of honest life in family & faith!
May God bless you with many good days, and grace to endure the bad ones.
Auz - thanks, sis! That's a great perspective. It's true that we are truely blessed to have people in our lives that honestly try their best to love us.
MT - thanks for the great compliment!
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