Saturday, December 30, 2006

Tortured - Confessions of a "J" Personality

I have been literally tortured by some of the "popular" theological debates lately. You know... homosexuality, God's purpose for men and women (which segways into the ordination of women), social justice vs personal relationship as central points of living a life of faith. These converstations have made their way into my life through introduction to a pastor that is on the "conservative" side of these issues and in-laws that are on the "liberal" side of these issues. (I use the terms conservative and liberal for lack of better vocabulary- since this is a fairly new conversation for me) I have visserated on conversations that I've had with my in-laws, yearning for logical or scriptural arguements that would make sense. But I only find myself trying to defend the other side of the conversation. (this is probably due to the nature of my relationship with my in-laws) All of this is confusing at a very deep level. My desire to have the answers I want right now are hard to temper with faith that God reveals things in his own time. And I struggle to keep my eyes on Jesus and not on having the intellect necessary to navigate these hard questions. I am also discouraged by the daunting task of learning truth without beleiving that gives me the right to judge others. It's my heart's desire to trust Jesus to help me navigate these converstations is a way that is pleasing to him. I want to know I can love and be with others where they are at, but still be faithful to a truth that ultimately leads us all to Jesus. As hard as it is, I beleive that Jesus laid these things on my heart so that he could show me something about himself. These hard converstaions are good opportunities for learning how to take things that weigh me down to the cross - at least that's what I'm finding.